"I want you to have

what I never had."  These were common words I would hear from my father while growing up.  His father (my Grandpa Beltz) was in WWII and came back a changed man.  For debatable reasons, he was not able to be around to care for his kids. Dad was one of nine children.  My grandma would work as a teacher and was not able be home to raise her kids.  That left the nine kids at home to raise one another. 

Dad was the Dad to me that he never had.  He was there with me to go fishing, boating, hunting and camping.  He was my baseball, football and wrestling coach from third grade until he was not permitted to coach anymore...and then he was present at all of my events.  We would drive to Youngstown several times a week to play Class B baseball my senior year.  He fixed my three wheeler, four wheeler and my bicycle without complaining.  He taught me how to be a good businessman and how to be a wise steward with finances.  I would go on the gas truck with him any chance I got and would visit customer's homes and that is when he taught me "one man's dream is another man's nightmare." 

Dad gave me what he never had.  I often wondered why?  He could have resorted to a drunken lifestyle.  He could have chosen not to work.  After all, he didn't graduate from high school.  He married my mother when she was 16 years of age.  Yet, he fought the curses that come along with alcoholism and helped me become who I am today.  As I walked away from his grave site three and a half years ago holding my son, I promised we would carry the torch and pass it on to future generations.

How did we become who we are?  A few quick thoughts are because of God's grace, a strong mother, sister, support system at our church (Beechwood Christian Church in Alliance, Ohio) and something else.  In Mansfield's Book of Manly Men, Stephen Mansfield states that Winston Churchill did not have a very supportive father.  He gives examples of abusive language and absence in Churchill's life.  He shares the following quote by Churchill: "Solitary trees, if they grow at all, grow strong; and a boy deprived of a father's care often develops, if he escapes the perils of youth, and independence and vigour of thought which may restore in after life the heavy loss of early days."  "Famous men are usually the product of a unhappy childhood.  The stern compression of circumstances, the twinges of adversity, the spur of slights and taunts in early years, are needed to evoke that ruthless fixity of purpose and tenacious mother wit without which great actions are seldom accomplished."

Looking back, Dad was not only driven by his love for our family and God, but he was driven by the strong desire to be the Dad he never had.  I believe the desire to make it better for the next generation is crucial to the success of our family.  The desire to pass on more than what we had will be a fuel to build self discipline and to have hope for the future.  The desire to give to others more than we were given is a desire to love others.

Be the Man!

Take it like a man!  Be the man!  Act like a man!  These were comments that I often heard growing up.  I remember thinking that being the man in elementary school meant protecting the girls on the playground from bullies. 

Well, my in-laws just gave me Mansfield's Book of Manly Men for Christmas.  I have already read the first ten pages.  I like what I am reading so far.  I would like to memorize one of the verses referenced in the book "Make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love.  For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ." 2 Peter 1:5-8

I also appreciated the authors statement that "we become what we do.  We are a sum of our habits."  He adds that with God's grace, we can break habitual cycles that render us ineffective. 

I think that to be "The Man" means to be able to control appetites and create good habits that allow us to demonstrate goodness, knowledge, self control, perseverance, godliness, mutual affection and love.  This is my pursuit.  I hope I am better at this one month from now, one year from now and each following year until I leave this earth.  It is my dream that those who come after me will be better at it and pass on better traits to their kin.  I hope that each generation builds on the prior generation in an effort to help the next generation be stronger than the one before.